nyc
tired
o brave new world
audrey. kermitinlove.jpg
au where the trojan war is a party menelaus throws to win back his girlfriend who left him for some douchebag and he ropes all his friends into helping him and wacky shenanigans happen and a running gag is that odysseus doesn’t even want to be there he’s got shit to do and at the end he gets stuck in traffic on the way home
#IM LAUGHIN #in the middle of it achilles throws a fit #”MAN IVE BEEN DJING FOR 3 HOURS YOU TOLD ME ID ONLY HAVE TO DO IT FOR LIKE AN HOUR” #”achilles cmon do menelaus a solid your djing is totally putting helen in the mood” #”FUCK YOU TOO AG” #he mopes upstairs to make out with his boyfriend #in the middle of a really quick’n’dirty handie someone bursts in the room all #”THIS IS AN EMERGENCY WE’RE OUT OF VODKA” #achilles is like FUCK OFF ASSHOLES I CANT PLAY BEER PONG BUT AS SOON AS YOU NEED SOMEONE TO GO ON A BOOZE RUN ITS ME. OF COURSE #patroclus is like ”well you are the fastest driver” ”I DONT CARE IM NOT GOING” #patroclus ”FINE then i’ll take your car dont be a baby” #5 minutes after patroclus is out the door achilles is like ”shit i fucked up” and catches a taxi to the liquor store #to meet up with patroclus #they drink the vodka and have sex in achilles’ car and forget all about the partyon the way home odysseus gets into a very minor fender bender that’s more like a fender bumper with some shit driver who is almost DEFINITELY high. and it’s all this guy’s fault but he won’t stop screaming about how he’s gonna fucking sue and odysseus just wants to go the fuck home and the guy goes “I’M FILING THE POLICE REPORT WHO ARE YOU” and odysseus is just so done that he says “nobody” and drives the fuck off and this completely tripping guy ends up screaming to the police at the side of the road at like three in the morning “NOBODY CRASHED INTO MY CAR!!!!!”
#I’M FUCKING SCREAMING #THIS WOULD BE SO GOOD THO #ODYSSEUS’ GF PENELOPE IS STUCK AT ANOTHER PARTY #GETTING HIT ON BY DOUCHES FROM ANOTHER FRAT #BUT ODYSSEUS HAS TO LIKE FIND A NEW CAR AND TRIES TO BORROW ONE FROM THIS CHICK WHO GIVES HIM SOME FUCKIN LACED POT OR SOMETHING BC HE FEELS LIKE HE’S BEEN THERE FOREVER #AND MEANWHILE PENELOPE HAS BEEN FORCED TO SAY THAT SHE’LL GO HOME WITH WHOEVER CAN BEAT HER AT BEERPONG #ONLY SHE’S FUCKIN LEGENDARY #SUCKS TO SUCK THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN BEAT HER IS ODYSSEUS #BUT HE HAS TO BE ON THE DL BC THIS FRAT HATES HIS GUTS #AND HE BEATS HER #AND SHE KNOWS IT’S HIM
@livingwithlycanthropy‘s tags are too beautiful to lose:
#the freaking aenied tho#Aeneas getting kicked out of the house with Menelaus throwing the banging party#and travelling far and wide trying to find somewhere to sleep#and then he’s just like ‘NO DUDE THIS IS THE LAST TIME’#it’s 3am we’re going to find a new house#and make a new frat#and the god damn Greeks can just suck my dick
PRETTY FLY FOR A WHITE GUY: a mix for icarus, history’s greatest downfall
“guy’s i’m gonna get so hella tanned” – icarus, probably
- breaking free high school musical
- i believe i can fly r kelly
- defying gravity wicked
- wind beneath my wings bette midler
- here comes the sun the beatles
- timber pitbull feat. ke$ha
- drop it like it’s hot snoop dogg feat. pharrell williams
- it’s raining men the weather girls
{ listen }
HESTIA: You think me unworthy of Olympus?
ZEUS: Not unworthy. Less worthy.
HESTIA: Pretty words, brother. They do not suit you.
ZEUS: They are the truth.
HESTIA: The truth! You want the truth? I have the very fires of Olympus in me. For centuries I have tended to them, made sure the mountain survived – you will not take this away from me. I have sat there, throughout everything. I know all your trickery, brother. I know the folly in your heart. It would do you good to listen. I could burn this all down in a heartbeat and even Kronos himself could not stop me. Time is nothing when you have been still for so long. My name means altar. Bow to me.
is fate meant to leave you broken; a modern aesthetic for the greek heroines
L A D I E S O F M Y T H O L O G Y
G R E E K G O D D E S S E S, (part ii)
how to love a god:
i.
stay away from him. legends
are never boys. gods
were never people. gods
do not love.
ii.
despise him. who does he
think he is? the proud jaw,
those seaborne arms,
fleeting sparrow-feet
planted on the earth as if
the world belonged to him?
iii.
watch. the quick turn of
mouth, the gold of his hair backlit
against the sun shining like a halo.
if you get too close he’ll burn you
to ash. if you get too close
he’ll destroy you.
iv.
watch him watch you.
v.
when he kisses you back
hold your breath. do not breathe.
you are only a small and foolish boy
chasing the tail of a meteor
destined for the heavens. if
you breathe, you will burn.
vi.
making love to him feels
like building a home, doesn’t it?
here, the oars of his shoulders.
here, the temple of his thighs.
here, his mouth whispering
your name in worship.
vii.
when the war comes
watch his laughter grow cold and
his hands tender themselves red.
that is a statue in your bed.
that is a man turned to stone
from ten thousand stares.
viii.
you put on his clothes on
to save him from himself.
you put his clothes on
to spend your last breath
inside him again.
ix.
you know what will happen
and you do it anyway.
you burn because this is what
it means to love. this is what
it means to fly.
x.
recall the tale of Icarus.
choose to be Icarus.
THE LEGENDARY STORY OF THE TROJAN HORSE DOES NOT INVOLVE THE GREEKS GIVING THE HORSE TO THE TROJANS AS A GIFT. THE GREEKS’ DECEPTION WAS ACTUALLY THAT THEY LEFT THE HORSE AS AN OFFERING TO THE GODDESS ATHENA.
IN THE LEGEND, THEY BASICALLY SENT SOMEONE TO TROY TO SAY “THIS HORSE IS FOR ATHENA, NOT YOU, SO OUR RETREAT BACK TO GREECE IS SAFE. DON’T TRY TO TAKE IT. IT WON’T FIT THROUGH THE GATES OF YOUR CITY, SO THERE’S NO WAY YOU DICKS CAN STEAL IT AND PRETEND YOU GOT IT FOR ATHENA. NOT FOR TROJANS.”
AND THEN TROY WAS LIKE “YOU’RE NOT OUR DAD. WE WON THIS WAR AND WE’RE TAKING YOUR STUPID HORSE AS A TROPHY SO WE’LL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW BAD GREECE IS AT DESTROYING TROY.”
AND A FEW TROJANS WERE LIKE “THIS IS A TRICK” AND TRIED TO EXPOSE IT AS A TRICK BUT THE REST OF THE TROJANS WOULD HAVE NONE OF IT BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS SWEPT UP IN THE THRILL OF VICTORY, AND ALSO BECAUSE THE GODS KEPT SENDING SNAKES TO STRANGLE ANYONE WHO SAID ANYTHING, BECAUSE THE GREEK GODS HAD NO WORD FOR “SUBTLETY”
THEN AT NIGHT ALL THE GREEKS JUMPED OUT OF THE HORSE LIKE “WE TOLD YOU NOT TO TAKE THE HORSE, WHY ARE YOU SUCH PRIDEFUL DICKS” AND BURNED DOWN THE WHOLE CITY
THE MODERN OLYMPIANS (females &
males)There is something dangerous about a teenage goddess. These abnormal, peculiar youths. One possesses a skilled tongue, silky and delicious, yet so dangerous, curled in a pool of poison. Another only wakes at the howling of her huntresses and another could make the world quake, her wit as her only weapon. One is beautiful and indispensable, she feeds the world with lies and burning ashes. Another tie souls to each other, leaving them to rot and decay together until only one survives and another became so sad and overpriced that she became something no one could receive, no one deserved. These girls were queens, rulers amongst men and feral beings that slowly learned, by the centuries, how to tame their darkness.
T E E N A G E G I R L S + M Y T H O L O G Y: Hera
They call her the queen, for there is something regal in the way she walks, talks, acts. Perfectly poised, she is the mother hen, always caring for her girls. She longs for a family and daydreams of that perfect wedding, drawing aspirations in the margins of her schoolwork over and over again. Potential partners are scouted for daily, weighing up their suitability to make sure they are worthy. She is deserving of everything and refuses to stop until she gets what she wants.
THE MODERN OLYMPIANS (females &
males)There is something dangerous about a teenage goddess. These abnormal, peculiar youths. One possesses a skilled tongue, silky and delicious, yet so dangerous, curled in a pool of poison. Another only wakes at the howling of her huntresses and another could make the world quake, her wit as her only weapon. One is beautiful and indispensable, she feeds the world with lies and burning ashes. Another tie souls to each other, leaving them to rot and decay together until only one survives and another became so sad and overpriced that she became something no one could receive, no one deserved. These girls were queens, rulers amongst men and feral beings that slowly learned, by the centuries, how to tame their darkness.
