i literally can’t sleep alone anymore so i’ve shown up at your door in my pyjamas, can we have one more nap together, please?
we promised to stay friends but we’re doing the same stuff we did when we were a couple and i don’t wanna point it out because i don’t want it to stop
listen i know i can’t just show up at your apartment at six in the morning but i need coffee and no one makes it like you do
we broke up after i left and moved away and months later i find out you rushed to the airport to stop me but you were too late
you keep calling me over to get rid of spiders from your apartment and i’m pretending i don’t know you’re not afraid of them at all because i miss you too
we keep showing up at all the same places separately because we’ve always had similar interests
cop!au i’ve been undercover for months/years and i know i told you not to wait for me but i’m still in love with you and it’s killing me
or, i fell in love with you while i was undercover and i know you’re mad at me for lying but i have to go back to my old life (and i want you to be in it)
i know we’ve been broken up for a while but i still have those concert tickets and you’re the only person i want to share this with
i found the ring when i was moving my stuff out of your apartment and now everything makes sense
are you?? sabotaging?? my dates?!?!?
i’ve seen you hanging around my apartment and i thought it was because you missed me, turns out you’ve been using my wifi you asshole
i know you can’t cook for shit so i’ve been bringing you dinner every night, just, y’know, to keep you alive
i kissed you goodbye by accident - old habits die hard okay?!?!
roadtrip au where we need to save gas money so we take a long, awkward, tension-filled car ride
instead of dividing up the CD’s, let’s play a drinking game to determine who gets what (it may or may not end in sex)
i was so sleep-deprived after the night shift that i climbed into bed with you (and you just rolled with it)
you’re my emergency contact and i’ve been in an accident so you drop everything to come to the hospital
soon to be divorced couple obnoxiously painting the walls wacky colours every time the other paints over it
you’re pretending we’re still together because my relatives will disprove of the break up so you’re being all sweet it’s reminding me of why i fell in love with you in the first place
we bumped into each other in the street and you were grinning like a cocky asshole the whole time so i stalked off only to realise i’m wearing your shirt
“I am a simple mermaid trying to get a simple college education and you fUCKERS KEEP PREVENTING THAT BY THROWING WATERBALLOONS AT ME FIVE MINUTES BEFORE CLASS SO IM STRANDED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING QUAD FOR A HOUR UNTIL IT WEARS OFF”
“Alternatively, I was skipping class and saw you trying to drag you and your huge ass tail through the courtyard–do you need help? I guess I can carry you to class if you’d like, though I’m not so sure this was worth being called ‘Prince Eric’ for the next two weeks”
“I knew there was a reason why you were so good in marine biology and why you always had to one-up me in the exam scores yOU’RE A MERMAID THIS IS SO UNFAIR IM TURNING YOU IN FOR CHEATING CHEATER”
“I don’t know why i thought bringing you to a sushi bar was a good idea, i thought seeing all the live fish in the tanks would have been nice but i forgot about all the dead ones after”
“I’m the mermaid so of course im always picked to go on diving missions by you biased advantage taking pricks, and you know what? i don’t care what you say, its dark and scary and theres something down there that i have never forgotten why do you think i stay on land”
“apparently due to your mystical sea creature powers you have the ability to mimic any sound you hear, so you know what means friend?? VOICE IMPRESSIONS! MORGAN FREEMAN GO”
“I know its late and i dont know you but i hear you can talk to fish and im worried my goldfish is depressed”
“I take my showers before bed and I always end up scaring the shit out of your boy/girlfriend while dragging my two ton tail to the kitchen for some ice cream at 11 at night”
Okay so if you’re anything like me you see those lists of au ideas floating around and you like them but when it comes time to write something and you need an idea you have no idea what you tagged them as or if they’re buried somewhere in your likes so….have a list of some of the ones I’ve come across! (updated with more lists on june 12th, 2015)
*locks eyes with the barista as I spray whipped cream into my coffee*
motherfucker I am PAYING for caffeine and the right to enjoy it any way I want I will cut it with sugar and mainline it right here don’t try me
no but au where person a of your otp works at the coffee shop and is required to say that when people order
and person b hears person a, looks person a straight in the eye, and pours the entire thing of sugar in the coffee the sign falls in with a little clink
soulmate tattoo au where marius has some really common phrase like “hey!” or “thanks!” on his arm
all the way down cosette’s back is “you know what, that’s exactly what my tattoo thing says, and i’m not saying you’re my soulmate or anything, i’m just saying that this is ridiculous. do you know how many times a day i hear people say that to me? all the time. everyone could be my soulmate. like, maybe this is just the universe’s way of telling me, “hey, you don’t have a soulmate, but here, here’s this really simple phrase just so you’ll have your hopes up or be terrified of everyone you meet.” why are you laughing, this isn’t funny! this is terrible!”
You drive a massive SUV and steal my parking spot all the time and I was just heading out to leave a strongly worded note under your windshield wiper but oh no you’re hot AU
I’m a barista and you’re the obnoxious customer who comes through and orders a venti macchiato while talking on the phone the whole time so I misspell your name in increasingly creative ways every day AU
I’m a busy businessperson and my barista keeps misspelling my name in increasingly disrespectful ways, honestly, who does this person think they are AU
We were both playing wingman for our friends who have now decided to go home together, and after five minutes of conversation we fucking hate each other, let’s bang it out AU
I saw you trying to hit the “door close” button in the elevator but I made it in and then I pushed every single button to make you later for work, but now we’re stuck in this fucking elevator as it stops at every single floor and I don’t know what to say other than “you started it” AU
I asked for your help getting a book off the top shelf and and you laughed at my taste and called me a nerd so I shoved you into a table of nonfiction best-sellers and that’s how we both got banned from the quirky community bookstore AU
I take my grades very seriously and you’re the lazy asshole who asks a ton of off-topic questions to distract the professor and I might be a foot shorter than you but I swear to god I’ll fight you AU
You tried to barge into a private conversation so I said something devastatingly witty and dismissive but you came back with something even meaner and more clever AU
Shouting match over the last Thanksgiving turkey at the grocery store AU
reverse hades/persephone, where the young daughter of summer uses plant magic to ensnare the lord of darkness and keep him prisoner in a beautiful garden above ground. Eventually, enchanted by her cleverness and wild youth he agrees to eat six pomegranate seeds and stay with her for half of every year.
I can’t tell whether this is a date because you asked to see a movie but I’m still not sure you’re queer, and I’m toeing the line because maybe you’re just trying to make friends
One of us thinks this is a date but the other thinks it’s an informal job interview
I decided to flip a coin about every decision in my life for a week and that’s how we ended up on a date
We’re both meant to be going on blind dates with other people but we sat down at the wrong table and got our hopes up
We took each other’s underwear from the laundromat by mistake
I got drunk and sent a sexy naked pic to my ex but I sent it to you instead by mistake
We had one really bad date and never spoke again and now our friends have set us up on a blind date
I’m calling to cancel our date because I’m actually in the ER right now, sorry. …I mean, sure, I guess you can come down here, but… okay…
We had sex at the office party but we’re both workaholics so we don’t normally date
We’re going on a blind date - but wait a moment, aren’t you that went down on me in a back alley behind a club year ago? … what do you mean “which one”?
You’re my waiter and I’m on a really crappy date with an asshole
Your appointment with a sexual therapist was right after mine and we got talking in the waiting room
We’re on a blind date, but wait a moment… aren’t you that guy who gave me a hand job at a Renaissance Faire a year ago?… what do you MEAN “WHICH ONE”?
We both picked the same power ballad at karaoke so we sang a duet
We’re both trying to take advantage of the unlimited appetizers deal on separate dates at TGI Fridays and I got the mozzarella sticks and I’m on my sixth plate and I want to die, can I PLEASE swap you for some of your wings?
Okay so if you’re anything like me you see those lists of au ideas floating around and you like them but when it comes time to write something and you need an idea you have no idea what you tagged them as or if they’re buried somewhere in your likes so….have a list of some of the ones I’ve come across! (updated with more lists on march 8th, 2015)
I fell in love with you three lifetimes ago and I’ve been looking for you ever since but I’ve been starting to give up and my friends’s new crush has your eyes and oh god I’m not going to steal someone’s date just because I’m hoping you’re the person I met in a past life (jk yes I am)
I’ve met you in every single lifetime and I always hope it will work out but it doesn’t but I’ll still keep finding you again because those few days/months/years together with you are always so worth it
I meet and fall in love with you in every lifetime at the same age but your age is always different so it never works out and for the first time I’m meeting you when we’re the same age and I’m horrified that I might fuck this up
I skipped like four cycles of reincarnation and I know you’re pissed at me for leaving you all those lifetimes but it wasn’t my fault please please will you take me back
We only remember each other in alternating lifetimes so every lifetime we have to find one another and convince each other that we’re soul mates but half the time I won’t believe you and half the time you’re already dating someone else
I don’t know how to tell you this but the reason you didn’t see me in our last reincarnation cycle is because for some fucked up reason I was reincarnated as your dog
We keep reincarnating as people who speak different languages and it’s kind of pissing me off because I can never initially confirm if it’s you but at least I keep learning a bunch of cool new languages each lifetime
a list of aus for when your otp is really competitive
we’re both ‘team leaders’ at a summer camp for little people and you may be hot but goddammit my collection of twelve-year-olds are going to beat yours into the dust
we kind of got past the point of ‘taking this game of gay chicken too seriously’ when you took your pants off but I really do not mind at all.
I used to be the best baker in the neighbourhood but then you showed up at Mrs Appleby’s 80th birthday with a stack of brownies which almost gave me an orgasm my honour is at stake and I’m going all out for the next event
a mutual friend invited us to their laser tag party and we’re the last two alive on opposite teams and goddammit if I’m going down you’re going down with me
you’re going to be at the halloween party and you’ve won best costume for the past three years but this year I am wearing the best costume ever if you defeat me I will eat my - wait you actually look really cute when did you turn hot what the fuck um
we’re always making stupid bets like ‘bet you can’t drink this whole bottle of BBQ sauce’ but then you did and now you’re sick and I feel really bad here let me look after you
did you actually just blue shell me on our date you fucker
